Caffeinate Your Sentence in Five Easy Steps

As we said in our Back to Basics posts, a sentence is a tiny story. Like any story, it can be well told or it can be meandering and dull. A key to making your sentences good stories--communicating effectively--is choosing the right words.

The action takes place in the verb. Think of the verb as a strong cup of good coffee: it should be full of flavor (not overroasted or watered-down swill) with a jolt of caffeine to keep things moving. To keep sentences lively and action-packed, use verbs well. Make them the gourmet coffee of your sentence. Here are five tips:

Choose the Right Verb

There are many ways to say one thing in English; each carries distinct shades of meaning. Pack maximum meaning into each word and you'll keep the pace of your sentence brisk.

Speaking of a brisk pace, let's take a walk. How shall we walk?

walk
saunter
march
perambulate
trudge
strut
meander
stride
tramp
amble
roam
slog

These are just a few of our choices. Each summons a different picture and a different pace. Most suggest how the walker feels about the journey: the purposeful, focused walker strides while the heavy-hearted walker trudges and the relaxed walker ambles. (Think too about what these words suggest about place. When you picture someone ambling, do you see them on a country road in summer or in Midtown Manhattan at rush hour? You can use these associations to supply information or to upset expectations and thereby tell your reader something different about the character or situation.)

The more you read, the more words will lodge themselves in your brain, ready to be summoned when you need just the right one. If the right verb isn't in your mental RAM, consult a thesaurus for options. (Another reference the Grammopticon likes is the Random House Word Menu. It is not exactly a thesaurus. It is exactly what its name says.)

Use the Right Tense and Person

Review our Back to Basics post on Conjugate Bliss--use the best form of the verb to load it with information about when and who. Axy the axe-wielding murderer thanks you.

Take a Stand

Sometimes, as we have seen elsewhere, the action of the sentence is the simple act of being. Don't use that as an excuse to weasel your way around with verbs like "seems" or "appears" if you can avoid it. The thing is or it isn't. Choose one. Take a stand.

Which of these tells a better story?

• He seemed like a shady character.
• He was a shady character.

The weasel-word "seemed" version begs for further explanation: he seemed shady because . . . ? He seemed shady, but in fact he wasn't? The author doesn't quite want to commit to saying he's shady, but why? Is he shady or isn't he? Tell us so we can get on with our lives!

Take Action

Similarly, don't let the simple act of being turn into your weasel word by making your sentence passive. Which of these is a better story?

• There is a tree growing in Brooklyn.
• A tree grows in Brooklyn.

Readers of a certain age may recognize the latter as the title of a book and a movie. One sees why the author did not call it "There Is a Tree Growing in Brooklyn."

If there is action in the sentence, let it happen in the verb. Don't push your reader away from the action!

Notice how expressions like "seemed" and "there is" are often used intentionally to distance the speaker/writer from the content--and from any responsibility. When you see or hear weasel words, look for a weasel nearby.

Aside: The French have an even better way to weasel. If one is genuinely sorry about your situation, s/he says, "Je suis desolé(e)" (I am sorry). If one is a customer service rep who doesn't really care and neither does the corporation s/he represents, s/he would say, "On est desolé(e)" (one is sorry). They don't even maintain the pretense of saying "we" to mean the faceless corporation that isn't the least bit sorry.

Don't Drown Your Verbs in Adverbs

If the verb is the perfectly brewed cup of gourmet coffee, adverbs (modifiers we add to verbs) are the cream and sugar. You'll never taste the coffee if it's drowning in cream and sugar. The perfect coffee will taste like swill if you dump a bunch of chalky fake creamer and bitter artificial sweetener. If you must season your verbs with adverbs, choose good ones and use them in moderation.

Do you need an adverb at all? Or could a better verb solve the problem?

• She walked to school slowly and deliberately.
• She trudged to school.

• He ate his meal quickly and messily.
• He wolfed his meal.

If you can put the information in the verb, do. Sometimes you can't. Then we add information with an adverb.

• Chop the vegetables coarsely.
• Chop the vegetables finely.

• He danced jerkily.
• He danced gracefully.

• Mark your corrections neatly.
• Supply your corrections promptly.

In each case, the adverb supplies more information about the action--it adds to the verb.
Choose adverbs as carefully (look, an adverb!) as you do verbs. If you find yourself using a long string of adverbs, consider whether one might serve for two or more. Don't dilute your coffee with three kinds of sweetener when one will do.

• The Grammopticon writes correctly and thoroughly and accurately.
• The Grammopticon writes precisely.

At least she endeavors to do so.